A woman meets a man in a bar....

[therobster]

They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to
his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that
one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly
teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and
hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering
the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to
lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of
thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears
all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of
the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the
top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have
such a large collection of Teddy Bears.

She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn't mention this
to him. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after
awhile, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be
the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?" She turns
to him and kisses him lightly on the lips.

He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he
romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom
where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She
is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity,
more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of
raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in
the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks
coyly, "Well,how was it?"















The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her
eyes, and says: "Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."

[Steve-S]

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
1. Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to bathroom. If partner seen, shake knob at her making the Woo' sound.
3. Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have pecs.
Admire size of knob in mirror scratch privates and smell fingers for one last whiff.
4. Get in shower. Don't bother to look for washcloth - don't use one.
5. Wash face and armpits. Wash privates and the surrounding area.
6. Wash butt, leaving hair on the soap.
7. Crack up how loud farts sound in the shower.
8. Shampoo hair but don't use conditioner.
9. Make shampoo mohican. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.
10. Pee in shower.
11. Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole time.
12. Partially dry off. Look at self again, flex muscles and admire knob(again)
13. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. Leave bathroom light and fan on.
14. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass partner, pull off towel, grab knob, go 'yeah baby' and thrust pelvis at her.
15. Put on yesterdays clothes.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural.
2. Walk to the bathroom wearing a long dressing gown. If partner seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
3. Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat.
4. Get in shower. Look for face cloth, arm cloth, loincloth, long loafer, wide loafer and pumice stone.
5. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
6. Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
7. Condition hair with Cucumber and Lamphrey conditioner with enhanced Crocus Oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
9. Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure its all come off.
10. Shave armpits and legs with partner's razor. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
11. Scream loudly when partner flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.
12. Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex.
13. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
14. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If partner seen, cover up any exposed areas then rush to bedroom to spend hour and a half getting dressed.